That's Stupid and So Is That
by MetaNightmare88
Summary: Dark Pit works the Lights for the Smasher's Talent Show, and reflects on three quite...interesting acts.


"Are you ready to go?" Mewtwo asked through a headset.

The theater was crowded, thousands of Miis, assist trophies and monsters. A single spotlight shined on a blue curtain.

"Yes." Dark Pit groaned. "Why am I doing this again?" He asked as he fiddled with the buttons that controlled the lights. He had been hired by Mewtwo to work on lights and judge the performances (along with Meta Knight and Mewtwo) for the First (and hopefully last) Super Smash Bros Talent Show!

"You didn't want to put on act." Mewtwo reminded him. "So we put you on lights and judging, along with me on sound, Roy and Cloud on set, Ryu and Pikachu as the stage managers and Meta Knight as the announcer. Everyone else is a mii."

"Remind me again why you didn't hire any real judges?" Dark Pit asked.

"Because everyone else wanted to perform." Mewtwo snapped. "Now be quiet! The shows about to start!"

Suddenly the lights began to dim as the audience began to cheer.

 _Hmph._ Dark Pit thought as pressed a button to turn on the spotlights. _I have everything I need right up here. A Pumpkin Spice Latte? Check. Dinner from Taco Bell? Check. A hot fudge sundae which hopefully won't melt? Check._

"Hello everyone!" Meta Knight yelled as he flew down. The crowd went crazy as they began to cheer. "Welcome to the First Super Smash Brothers Talent Show! Now are you ready to see something incredible!"

The crowd began to cheer.

 _Pfffft._ Dark Pit thought. _Nothing here will wow me. I'll only end up in an asylum due to these…idiots who think they have talent. I wonder which performances will hurt me the most._

In the end only three performances where awful enough to send someone to the asylum. And it is those performances we will be touching on.

* * *

"Thank you Jigglypuff for your cover of Hello!" Meta Knight boomed into a mic. "What a fantastic way to start the evening! Give her a hand folks!"

The crowd cheered as Jigglypuff bowed. She then puffed up and floated off stage right like a balloon.

 _She was Ok._ Dark Pit thought to himself as he took a sip of his latte. _Nothing to special. I wonder who's next. Let me check the guide…Oh no._

"Now onto the next performance!" Meta Knight exclaimed as he revealed his wings as the curtain dropped behind him. "Please welcome King Dee Dee Dee and Ganondorf singing Bop to the Top from High School Musical!"

The crowd cheered as the curtain pulled back up. Ganondorf ran onstage as music began to play, wearing tuxedo pants and a white shirt.

"Mucho Gusto!" He exclaimed.

At that moment King Dee Dee Dee ran onstage. The second he did, however Dark Pit spat out his latte and everyone in the audience screamed with sheer horror.

He was wearing a blue sequined salsa dress. It was…rather revealing. "Aye que fabulosa! Rae aye aye aye! Arriba! ¿Quieres bailar?"

"Mirame." Ganondorf smiled.

 _What the heck?_ Dark Pit cringed as they started to sing and dance. Both of them where obviously trying to look sexy and they were failing…miserably. _This is worse than the time Marth tried to flamingo dance! Oh I know what I'm going to say to describe this nightmare. Really, why! Why do this to us! This is next level stupid. High School Musical is crappy enough as it is, but really? Why make it worse! How do these two call themselves villains? If you have an awful crappy idea, please keep it to yourself!_ _Why. Just why! This is pure crap! If this is what they think a good idea looks like, I'd hate to see what a bad idea looks like. Well at least it's almost over._

"Bop to the top!" They both finished. Ganondorf dipped Dee Dee Dee then dropped him onto the ground moments later. But this time the audience did not applaud them.

"How…Interesting." Meta Knight said as he walked in from stage left. "Now. Let's see what Dark Pit thinks of this, because me and Mewtwo are too nice to give criticism."

"Weakling." Dark Pit said over the loud speaker. "I only have one question for you two. WHAT THE HECK WHERE YOU THINKING! Seriously. I want to know the stuff that goes through your sick stupid brains. What made you think that was ok? You will haunt my nightmares for all eternity! WTF!"

"Alright then. Please leave the stage." Meta Knight said. "I promise I'll give criticism next time. Just…wow."

* * *

"Alright!" Meta Knight yelled. "Who's ready for the next act?"

The crowd cheered.

 _The last two performances…weren't that bad._ Dark Pit mused to himself as he took a bite of his melting sundae. _I mean Marth's rapping could be better and Robin's magic show was actually cool. I never thought I'd think this but the rest of the night might be…fun._

"Now!" Meta Knight exclaimed. "Give it up for Captain Falcon and his performance of…Nicki Minaj's Anaconda."

 _Never mind._ Dark Pit thought. _I wonder how much bleach I'll need._

The curtain rose to reveal Captain Falcon. And when it did, everyone stopped cheering.

He was wearing the same thing Minaj did on her album cover. Then the music started.

"Boy toy named Troy used to live in Detroit. Big big big money, he was gettin' some coins." He rapped.

 _NO! NO!_ Dark Pit thought as he ducked under his desk and put his hands over his hand. _This is even worse! WHY! This is the most horrible thing I've seen and I've watching Miley Cyrus's music video for wrecking ball! Maybe I should take a peak._

He looked up to see him revealing his butt to a horrified audience.

 _NO MORE!_ Dark Pit screamed internally. _Please why? Why put this in my brain? Whoever's writing this must be one messed up bastard. This is messed up. This is messed up on so many levels._

"Well." Meta Knight said once the performance had ended. Dark Pit looked back up to see Meta Knight trembling on the stage, his little eyes glowing with shock. "Mewtwo what did you think of that…spectacle."

"Well…your rapping was good." Mewtwo said. "And the melody was pleasant."

"DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM!" Dark Pit screamed into the mic. "That's right. I'm interrupting your turn! Falcon? GET OUT OF THAT STUPID OUTFIT! Seriously! Who raised you? Who are your parents? I'm sending a video of that to them, right after I clean my eyes with bleach! Lots and lots of bleach! GET OUT OF MY SIGHTS! Because if you don't, I'll turn the lights off on you!"

Falcon ran off the stage as the curtain fell.

* * *

"Thank you Mario! We loved your balancing act!" Meta Knight yelled.

 _One last performance._ Dark Pit thought to himself. _No one was perfect. I wonder what the last performance will be._

"Now. NEXT WE HAVE FALCO AND LITTLE MAC PREFORMING A PLAY OF THEIR OWN CREATION…what the heck? Why does this exist? It makes zero sense and its offensive to anyone who's religious. So if you are please leave." Meta Knight choked.

 _Uh oh._ Dark Pit thought as a fourth of the audience left.

"Now. As I was saying. Please welcome Falco and Little Mac, here to perform their play- Adolf Hitler and Jesus Christ, A Love Story!" Meta Knight said.

 _WTF?_ Dark Pit thought in horror as Little Mac and Falco walked onstage. _Who in their right mind would pair our lord and savior with one of the most evil men to ever exist?_

"Oh Jesus Senpai!" Little Mac (who was dressed as Hitler) swooned as he gave Falco (who was dressed as Jesus) a hug.

"Hitler-chan?" Falco asked. "Is there something wrong?"

"Do you love me?" Little Mac asked.

"Yes." Falco said as he leaned down to kiss Little Mac.

Suddenly Dark Pit couldn't hold it in anymore. "I'm sorry." He snapped into the headset. "But I can't watch this anymore. There's something about Hitler kissing Jesus that I can't handle. Please send in a Mii to take my place" He didn't stop to listen to Mewtwo's response as he snapped the headset in half. He walked out of the booth regretting his entire existence.

 _Why._ Dark Pit thought. _None of that was OK! It would definitely offend some people, no wait a lot of them. People don't want to see stupid stuff. So why do people do it. What has the world come to?_

* * *

 **Things you might not have caught**

 **The Pumpkin Spice Latte exists. It is a drink at Starbucks.**

 **King Dee Dee Dee and Ganondorf's outfits resemble Sharpy and Ryan's from High School Musical**

 **Hitler and Jesus fanfiction actually exists. I read some of it, drank 50 pounds of bleach and begged god for forgiveness.**


End file.
